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Surviving Pain ...

... Abstracts from Surviving Pain. A memoir of a weeping child by Sarah-Leigh Elago

... I lost my Mom on 7 July 2010, 5 days before my birthday at exactly 03h30am. It was just the two of us and I had to help her transition. I could see she was ready, but, she kept holding on for me, her baby. You know, experienced nurses know a thing or two. I remember this nurse, I will never ever forget her face and the words she said to me on that afternoon of the 6th (July). She looked at my Mom and asked me to follow her outside the room. She asked" Are you the last born?" Of which I responded Yes. She further said the following: "I'm not sure how old you're, but, this is life my daughter. I need you to be brave because I can see you're already such a strong girl. Meme (Mom) wants to go ne. She is ready, but, she is looking behind. Release her ne. If you're a Christian, I'm sure you believe in the promises of the Lord."

My BIGGEST fear of life was about to come to pass. I became brave, it was around 8pm or so, I sat next her, held her hand and whispered, Meme, I'm not as small as you think I am, I'm a big girl. Yes, I so badly want you to stay, but that is the flesh talking. It would be extremely selfish of me to want you stay when I see the pain you're experiencing. With my whole heart, I RELEASE YOU. I said those words with a heavy heart. I felt my heart break, I felt the wind beneath disappear, in short, a piece of me was breaking from me, readying itself to depart with the one that had given birth to her. She put up a fight. She held on for me till around 3am.

Around 3am I felt my Mom's hand touch me, don't ask me to explain what I'm about to say because I don't know (this is were one realizes that the human language is actually limiting to the things of the spirit). At that time, I saw spirit separating from the body (please, you do not need to believe me, neither do I need any validation), I saw what I saw and that's it. My Mom's heart took about 3-5mins to stop beating after she had passed. Because, her heart kept beating, I became so desperate for her waking. My Dr (Mom and I shared the same Dr. Dr. Matheis, who's also late) came in and once my Mom's heart stopped beating Dr looked at me with tears coming down his face and said: " My daughter, I am so sorry. But, your Mom left us. I'm so sorry."

My heart broke. I could feel it. That piece that was separating itself had finally detached from me and went with my Mom. My heart ached in ways and places I never knew could ache. I lift my hands high up and prayed, I thanked God for giving us a mother like her etc. I cried. I cried. I cried.

I had to leave home a week or so after her burial and there (are) days I miss her so much, there were days I would walk to her grave and talk...

One morning, I had a dream. She came to me and said: "Daughter, why do you seek me at the grave? For I am NOT there. The body returned to its form. I am alive, I am alive. Talk to me at home, at the beach like someone who's alive. I live."

That dream made me to realize that indeed, the grave isn't final. I think heaven has a special place for mothers, especially those that left behind their babies, I think God somehow allow them to watch over their pikin...

All rights to the wording and title RESERVED!
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Our loved ones that passed in the Lord are asleep in the flesh but alive unto God. What a blessed assurance! Rejoice! Book still ongoing!

The baby lives!

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